Parenting Forums

Posted: 27 December 2007 at 10:15pm | IP Logged

Today I took Joshua across Manchester to see his parental family (not his dad though he's not allowed contact). He hasn't seen them for over a year, although he knew vaguely who they were and they get regular emails, photos and updates from me. My mum wasn't happy that I took him, she believes I shouldn't see any of that family, but I think Joshua has a right to know his family even if he'll never know his dad.

We were due there at 2.30pm and I was a litrtle bit late due to poor weather. I was dreading going to be honest. Joshua's auntie is lovely and totally supports my decision to stop my ex having contact, but Joshuas nain (gran) took the news very hard, even though it was her son that said he couldnt be bothered nor did he have the time to commit to Joshua. I hoped I wouldn't have to stay long, and secretly hoped his nain wouldn't be there at all lol

I got there and the whole family was there (Joshua's cousins) Its all a very awkward situation because my ex was running 2 lives and when he was making me pregnant he was preparing to marry who they all thought was his only partner. Joshua's cousins were only young at the time so I didnt know if they knew who Joshua was, but they seemed to which was nice because when Joshua was first born it was all hush hush and we were friends of the family sort of thing if the kids asked. Very complicated pmsl

Anyway, I was there for over 4 hours, spending 2 hours with Joshua's nain and everyone, then his nain left. It was all very nice, no awkwardness. The kids were grown up and it was nice to hear how they all were. Joshua was a bit shy at first but soon settled and then went off to play upstairs with the youngest cousin. I spoke with Joshua's auntie and the 2 older kids for the rest of the afternoon. Even had a heart to heart with the middle cousin, gave her a bit of advice that her mum had once given me. She's not in such a different situation I was in when I was her age! All in all it was quite success full, and hopefully it'll be a bit more regular now that the ice is broken. His mum said Joshua was a lovely little boy and I had done him proud which was really nice to hear, i think she knows deep down that I have done the right thing where my ex is concerned and I think she seeing him today so happy and settled has proved that he is doing ok as he is.

Oh the joys of single parenting pmsl Least he'll know his extended family, if I left it to my ex to give them contact Joshua will have never met them yet, my ex would be more happy if I didnt speak to them!

Posted: 27 December 2007 at 10:25pm | IP Logged

Babe i am so proud of you and what you have done. At the end of the day your mum will get upset its normal its called parenting lol. As for his mum again its her son and she will be defensive to a point but its up to her to have the contact no one has made her.

I look at it this way she would be missing out on a fastastic little boy as Joshua is a really behaved young man. He is polite and always really happy. Well when i have met him he has been hehe.

His dad is a waste of space and his sister has even agreed with you and no one knows better than siblings not even parents. I think you have done the right thing and its down to what Joshua and you want. If in the end when hes older he says he doesn't want to know them at least its his choice. You gave him that choice and thats the best you can do.

I hope this continues to work out for the both of you as its always nice to have extra support if you need it. xxxxxx

Posted: 28 December 2007 at 9:33am | IP Logged

I am a firm believer in keeping in contact with grandparents/ cousins etc when me and hubby split, there was no way I would ve keep my kids from seeing his parents. We have had massive rows in the past, but thats exactly where they are... in the past! Just because their dad is a drongo, doesnt mean they should miss out on the kids growing up.

Proud of you Christine, that must have been really difficult for you breaking the ice like that, but now you ve made contact, it should be easier next time.

Good onya girl!!

Jain xxxxx

Posted: 28 December 2007 at 11:57am | IP Logged

Good for you chick..its just that initial hurdle to get over.

I promised tasjas other family that I would never stop them getting in touch or coming to see her or have her for holidays, I think they were surprised.  Fair dos things got very nasty between me and the ex..yet I never let tasja be aware of it, or took it out on his family.

Plus...it means brownie points for me...cos they cant see what bens problem is half the time and back me with every decision for where tasja is concerned.  It was them that got ben to agree to giving joe parental responsibility etc. 

His family is lovely, its just him I have a problem with lol.

So glad the day went well for you and joshua

Posted: 28 December 2007 at 2:57pm | IP Logged

I am so pleased that it went stress free for you.  I always knew they would love you both because you're so balanced, selfless and thoughtful, putting your son's needs first before your own.

It doesn't really matter what Justin thinks about his family being part of yours and Joshua's because he lost that right when he turned his back on you both.

Well done again.  I hope you feel like you've really achieved something because you have: integrity.

Zo xx