Parenting Forums

Posted: 26 July 2006 at 11:52am | IP Logged

Petal I am sorry this is all turning out to be so stressful for you

Can you explain to your solicitor that yes you have agreed access but only on the basis that he pays proper maintenance for him.

Once that is sorted then say you would be willing to sort out times etc

But only agree times that suit you and Euan hun - don't be bullied into anything.

As you say you have brought him up on your own for this amount of time and if he wants to see Euan then he has to play by your rules

I really hope you can sort something out - you sound as though you have your head screwed on and have Euans best interests at heart

Remember we are all here to listen if you need us

xxxxxxxxxxx

Posted: 26 July 2006 at 1:47pm | IP Logged

Tbh, and this is just my opinion.

I think that for what ever reason's you Ex has had, for being absent for almost a year of his son's life, if he's making an attempt to gain access to his son, then i think you should allow it.

If its only going to be the first friday of every month, and im guessing it's only for a weekend, then i cant see what the problem is, i think it'll be good for your lo and your Ex to get to know each other.

Lots of kiddies suffer because parents use the kids to 'get' at each other, i'm not saying this is what your doing - far from, but something must be eating at your ex if he wants contact.

I think if you set strong ground rules, through your solicitor and sort of say, he can have access as long as he's not going to keep letting Euan and me down by not turning up' i think you have nothing to lose.  Children need routine and if your ex starts to see him and then doesn't continue with arrangements then it'll unsettle your lo, so you need to be sure it's going to be a regular thing.

Posted: 26 July 2006 at 7:37pm | IP Logged

I think the only way to sort this now is through lawyers which is a pity

certainly he shouldnt b having access if hes not willing to pay maintainence & as Fee says dont b bullied

my brother & sisters dad split with my mum before my sister was 1, my brother was born 7 months later & it wasnt until he found out he had a son he demanded access - as this was done thru courts he was given access every saturday in a special centre, by the time things were sorted out my brother was 1 & their dad saw them every weekend for less than 6 months then stopped showing up

Apparently statisically most dads give up with access in less than 2 years if they hav split with the mum, thats really sad i think

sorry rambling a bit now lol - think its worthwhile giving ur ex 1 last go to b a proper dad to Euan & if he messes up its his loss & if its done thru lawyers he wont get another chance

Posted: 26 July 2006 at 9:14pm | IP Logged

Babe this is such a tough decision and only one that you and your dp can make. Think about what you will tell Euan when he starts to ask questions. I didnt want you to see your dad because he never paid anything.

Joshua has no contact with his dad, but the olive branch was there. I gave Justin maybe one to many chances and he always let Joshua down. Now I have decided there will be no contanct unless Joshua asks for it. If Justin approached me I'd make him go through court and I am confident he wouldnt get access. However when Joshua does ask when he is older I will be able to say that I tried and his dad continually let him down.

No one can tell you what to do, and only you know your ex. Dont be bullied into times and days that dont suit you or Euan. And make sure the guidelines are firm and crystal clear for both of you. First sign he is letting Euan down then put a stop to it (assuming you give it a try).

I hope you get this matter solved and for the pair of you of you I think it is better done through solicitors at least then the rules will be there and will have to be followed. As for the financial side of things then maybe now is the best time to make these arrangements so it is all done at the same time.

Hope it all gets sorted soon chick, thinking of you xxx

Posted: 21 August 2006 at 6:20pm | IP Logged

Now I'm in the same situation as you, Petal, I can see both sides.  But in all fairness, I think you should allow your ex access to his son for that time as it's only one day a month.  With my DH being abroad my los won't see their dad regularly and I hate that idea, but there's nothing to be done about it.

Good luck with it all.  PM me if you ever wanna off-load.

Zo xxxx