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Posted: 21 April 2006 at 2:17pm | IP Logged

Sorry I know this isnt a nice topic but I need to offload because if I dont talk to someone about this I feel like its all going to cave in on top of me. The weight on my shoulders is immence!

My mum has been struggling with depression for years and has had 2 suicide attempts. One was really major and she was in intensive care for a week and it was touch and go. I was 16.

Recently she has had a drink problem. Her and my dad are big socialisers and big social drinkers and she had got to a point where whenever they went out she would binge drink and then row with my dad. Anyway my dad and brother discovered she was also sneaking drinks, mainly at night, but strong stuff like gin and vodka. My brother (who is 17) confronted her and she agreed to get help. She say her doctor and a drinksence councellor who told her she didnt have to stop drinking and wasnt an alcoholic, but needed to stop binge drinking and learn her own limits.

For a few weeks she was great, she still drank but just one or 2 glasses if we were out and she seemed much happier. Then it started to be more and more. The other day she went upstairs to get something and when she came down I thought she smelt of booze but couldnt be sure and couldnt say anything as my nan was there. My dad called me yesterday afternoon to say he'd found a bottle of vodka hidden by her bed. He was going to talk to her this morning and I have just found out he is going with her to the drinksence meeting today.

I'm sorry for throwing all this out, dp isnt very easy to talk to about this and I am not good at confronting my mum. I am seeing her later but I dont enjoy being there now because I cant stop thinking about it. We all socialise and drink a fair bit and we are very good friends with the local landlord and landlady and we all spend lots of time there so it is hard to avoid alcohol.

I feel better for offloading - thank you.

Posted: 21 April 2006 at 2:21pm | IP Logged

awww Madz. Sorry to be so nosey, but has she actually admitted she has an alcohol problem yet?

I really hope she can get some help soon.

Big hugs to you hunni, xxx

Posted: 21 April 2006 at 8:31pm | IP Logged

aww madz that sounds awful hun.  My sister is starting to go like this hun the other week she binge so much that she threw up and it had blood.  No matter waht we say to her she is not willing to listen and carries on.

I hope ur mum gets some help and at least she has admitted that she has a problem thats one step forward xxx

Posted: 21 April 2006 at 8:43pm | IP Logged

sorry madz i've only just seen this.

wow you've really been through the mill.  is there a root cause to your mother's depression?  my mum had severe depression due to a turbulent childhood.  i was horrified to find out she was drinking during the day.  i didn't really know the extent of it as i wasn't living at home, and i'm sure i will never know if it was out of control or not.  but she sought counselling about her depression and it seems to be under control now.  i wouldn't go as far as saying my mother was an alcoholic, not that i'm aware of anyway, but i was concerned to hear that she was drinking cos she felt lonely and depressed.

my dh's auntie was an alcoholic.  she had 3 children.  then one night she woke up in a stupor, tripped at the top of the stairs and killed herself falling down them.  she left behind 2 young girls, one of whom found her mother dead the next morning and a son.

alcoholism is no joke.  if your mother has a problem the first thing she needs to do is confront it.  this isn't going to be easy, but she has two choices she either does something about it now for her her sake and her loved one's or she may end up on a downward spiral.

sorry, i can't offer any more advice.  i hope you all find some peace soon.

sending hugs to you madz, i can imagine this being so painful for you.

zo xxxx

Posted: 21 April 2006 at 9:49pm | IP Logged

This is hard for me to admit - but I think I have a bit of drink problem too.  I dont drink everyday - and I dont sneak drinks, but I do like a drink on a Friday and a Saturday night. 

Since I had my gastric bypass operation, getting drunk is very easy! it only takes a small amount of alcohol to get me tipsy, but I was on a double dose of antidepressents for pnd, so it was making me silly with it.  Im glad to say that I only take the antidepressants every other day now so its not nearly as bad now as it was.

I work all week and just like to kick back at the weekend, thats all.

DF thinks I have a drink problem - basically he calls me an alcoholic - I only have 4-5 cans of fosters on Friday and the same on Saturday - maybe have some one night a week depending on how stressed I am at work.  I dont think its excessive, but maybe I should tone it down a bit   

Maddy hunny, my aunt has been like that for years - she was even drinking sherry in a cup and telling everyone it was black tea, and she still hasnt admitted that she has a problem.  Your mum has done the hardest thing in the world and admitted it.  Hopefully with alot of support and counselling she can beat her demons.  Im trying to take my own advice, but as your mother will appreciate - its hard. I just hope you understand xxxxx

Posted: 21 April 2006 at 11:22pm | IP Logged

Hey Hon, my father was a very violent alcoholic and my mother had the hardest time, we left after he had beaten us quite badly and thrown her downstairs and fractured her skull.  That was years ago but he is now an apologetic alchoholic.  He has been spun dry so many times that it is no longer working.

I have three sisters and we all recognise in ourselves the tendancy to "over" enjoy a drink to the point that when together the amount consumed can be classed as more than a binge but completly flaming scary!!!!

It takes control if you have an inbuilt adictive nature, which I am sure I have, however there is, as mentioned by others, support for families which can help you live with alcoholics. 

http://www.al-anonuk.org.uk/

The biggest thing you need to know is that it is nothing personal, nothing to do with you, the person with the dependancy has an illness and in many ways (and this bit is my own opinion) if you can still love them, stand by them, be there for them,  but distance your own self, in some way, from them and their problem is better for you.

My father lives in the north of scotland and I live in England, doesn't stop me loving him or being there for him, but have to maintain my own sanity and protect my family through acceptance and distance.  If that makes sense, not selfish but sensible. 

I do however need to deal with my own demons which will always hit those left over and those who have a suspicion that the illness is genetic.  We all have our own demons to beat.

Keep your heart up and ensure your own and your familys health and safety.

HTH

Juju xx

Posted: 22 April 2006 at 11:24am | IP Logged

I totally agree with Juju.  My father is an alcoholic and has been since I can remember.  Like Jujus father my Dad too has been spun dry so many times.  Like Ju says it's nothing personal it's an illness they have.  You can't make someone with this illness stop drinking they have to want to do it.

My brother also recognises he could have a drink problem if he wasn't very careful.  Keith and I don't drink at all.  Keith did when he was younger but decided now it's not something he enjoys.  For me I hate that feeling of being out of control which I am sure alcoholics must enjoy.  My fathers drinking has very much affected me and our relationship.  I found I had to draw very strict boundaries to protect myself and my feelings.  I do still see him but he never phones as he used to phone at 2am and be very drunk so I told him not to phone me unless he was sober, consequently he doesn't as he has to have had a drink by 10am or he cannot function.

There is help out there but unfortunately you have to go and look for it.  Recognising the problem is half the battle.