Pregnancy Forums

Posted: 28 March 2008 at 1:22am | IP Logged

Argh sorry all I don’t mean to dump the following on you but I need to let it out before it consumes me tonight.

I had my first set of injections now 3 weeks ago and I was starting to feel some improvement in mobility, I’ve been managing to walk without the use of crutches in the day time (even though evening’s I’ve suffered for it) and the way I walk has become a more natural movement, but the pain hasn’t changed. I’m still getting the shooting pains, aching etc.

I’m sat here at stupid o’clock with tears streaming my face as I can’t get comfy and I can’t sleep. I don’t want to burden my family again so I’m trying to suffer in silence and not let on how much it’s all hurting. My shoulders are fudged along with my jaw, wrists, knees and ankles on top of the spd that makes me a right old mess…. On a bright note I suppose I should find comfort knowing at least I’m doing whatever it is properly and not a half hearted job.

 I’m taking all my normal meds and staying up late due to not being able to get comfy and when dp finally drops off I take my morphine (as I don’t want him to know how much it’s hurting) so I can hopefully get a few hours sleep…. Well I would do if my youngest decided to sleep though the night.

I really was hoping for a more positive outcome and a sign that it might be working and further treatment is an option but at the moment I’m not sure. I won’t find out till June 17^th anyway and then I’ll have to wait 3-4mths if they decide it’s best to continue…. I feel really deflated and resentful of others at the moment and I hate myself for feeling like this…. I’m fed up of planning things to a scale of what I can do in a day and if I have to do more, how I can reduce it the next day.

The thing with any illness or disability unless you have it no one quite understands how debilitating and lonely a thing it can be. It doesn’t just affect a person physically but mentally too. I feel guilty to my family and my children and I’m sure they’d be better off without me but then I see their faces and the way they run to me for hugs and kisses and I know it’s not true…. I wouldn’t change them for the world nor would they me but it’s still hard to hear them saying things like it’s ok mummy I understand you can’t do it I’ll ask my friends mum…. But having this site has helped me cling to sanity, without it I’d have gone over the edge long ago, there are people on here at understand and are in a similar position fighting similar battles and it helps take the element of isolation and entrapment way.

Sorry I don’t know if there’s a point to this post I’m just so sore and deflated and fed up I had to let it out before it consumed me, thank you for listening.

Posted: 28 March 2008 at 8:48am | IP Logged

Very big but gentle hug Tsena. Hope you managed to get to sleep eventually.

I'm sorry you've not had the result you wanted from your injections - is there a chance things will get any better than this with them? (Sorry I don't know anything about them). Can sympathise a tiny bit with what you are suffering - thankfully at the moment my SPD is nowhere near as bad as yours is.

I think you should be taking your morphine when you need it - not waiting til dh is asleep, Tsena. Don't suffer any more than you have to - I don't know your dh, but I'm sure he would hate to think you were holding off taking your medication so that he didn't realise how bad your pain is.

I'm glad you realise your lo's and dh wouldn't be better off without you - you are a fantastic, caring mum and that would be with or without SPD.

xxx

Posted: 28 March 2008 at 9:31am | IP Logged

Tsena hunny, first of all, huge massive but gentle hugs coming your way my darling, I totally understand what you are going through, and the lonliness is horrid.

I understand that it totally takes the wind out of your sails, and unless other people havent been there themselves, they dont understand.  I get the guilty feeling about family all the time, and you know this as we have discussed this many times.

The only thing I can offer you is support hunny, dont forget Im just at the end of a phone or on msn if you need to talk.

Remember, you are not burdening us hunny, we are here to listen and getting it off your chest does feel better - so please do it, you are not invincable, as much as some people think you are, let it all out hunny cos bottling it up will only make things worse.

I will also take my own advice and me more honest about my situation also, when the time is right.

Take care for now hunny, you are in my thoughts xxxxxx

Posted: 28 March 2008 at 10:42am | IP Logged

I am so sorry you are feeling so pants honey. You know I understand 100% what you are going through.

Hun you need to be honest with those who love you. Tell Chris when it hurts, I know I try and keep it from Tony but he knows when I'm lying to him and he hates thinking I cant be honest with him. And that goes for me too - be honest and dont overdo it with me. Tell me when its too much.

I wish I could offer to drive over and take your boys and tidy your house like you have done for me. But you are right you are a fantastic mum, and not just that. You are the bestest friend a girl could wish for, I hate knowing you are so down so please give me a call and come round for a cuppa and a hug!

I know its a long wait for the injections but they will help in the long run. Otherwise would I be so looking forward to be going through that procedure in a weeks time!

Hugs xxx

Posted: 28 March 2008 at 11:21am | IP Logged

Thanks so much for the kind words ladies.... i didn't get much sleep as my lo woke twice as per norm. So i grabbed a couple of hours but my boys where sweet this morning and climbed into bed to watch tv and let me dose on and off.

As for my dp and the meds yeah he probably would like to know but i want to let him have a few more weeks where he's not worrying about me to the extent where i'm giving him alot to think about, he's got a lot on at work at the moment and i just want to let him get though this then i'll start sharing and letting him in.... he's been there for me so much i just want him to have a few more weeks fairly worry free so he doesn't worry about working late etc or feeling like he's not being there for me etc. He knows it's not the case but it affects the family as a whole so, i'm doing what mum's do best and putting the family first.

Hope the rest of you are all well x