Parenting Forums

Posted: 14 November 2005 at 12:24pm | IP Logged

Ooh dear,

My ds who will be 13 in January is already Mr Attitude.  He has started a new school in September when we moved, and seemed to get some friends, or so he says.  Every one of them had given him their phone numbers, which turned out to be numbers that dont exist.  I keep trying to tell him to widen his circle of friends, hoping he will find some decent ones..

On saturday he and his sister my dd2 were constantly sniping at each other, they always are, it got to the point where he flew at her, fists ready telling her to "bring it on, Ill smash your head in" (he has NEVER said that to anyone yet) his eyes were full of anger and he was at the point of punching her, I had to physically step in and separate them. 

then yesterday dh spent some time with him and they had a game on the playstation ..  My dd1 went in the room and apparantly was annoying ds, (shes passed a very quick small comment about something) then that was it, he flew up, swore at her (f word and V angry) and stormed out.

Well, that was it, he was sent for a bath and to bed this was at 5pm.  Was this the right thing to do? I couldve knocked his head off, but of course you cant smack them nowadays, so it was a case of sending him off to bed with a flea in his ear.

I said to him hes lucky I didnt wash out his mouth with the soap he washed in. I know hes having a difficult time at school with probably fitting in and everything, and perhaps he has picked up on mine and dh's problems, but weve always tried to keep it from the children as best we can.

Grrrr - I see the shape of things to come...

We seem to have a child who resents and hates us all, and swears blind he is missing out on things and is treated differently,, which he isnt.

sorry its a long one

luv lilybxx

Posted: 14 November 2005 at 1:17pm | IP Logged

I am certainly no expert on the terrible teens but having one coming out the other end and one about to go into it there are a few things I have learnt.

Hormones are horrid, you knew that anyway I know.  Boys get them too and I think with boys it makes them feel quite aggressive (all that testosterone)  that's why in the stone age we would have been sending them out to hunt at this age.  All you can do is give him space and an avenue to channel his pent up emotions into.  Hayley joined air cadets, which is both physically and mentally challenging and has guided her really well.  Fran has just joined Sea cadets for the same reason.

As for fighting with his sisters I don't think you will stop that.  My brother and I used to fight like cat and dog in our teens.  Girls love to wind boys up at this age and boys bite every time, he will learn to ignore her eventually and she will learn not to baite him if she doesn't want a nice bruise.....

The way I treat bad language is I know they use it but as long as they don't direct it at me and not in front of me I don't fight that battle.  I will not tolerate being sworn at by them but can cope with the odd slipped out word by mistake and I ignore it.

One thing I have learnt is to choose my battles wisely with teenagers, they know far more than we do and are never wrong....

Posted: 15 November 2005 at 5:04pm | IP Logged

oh no i spose we all have that to come

my sis n i fought like cat n dog into our teens and im sure having two boys so close in age will cause probs

not sure what to advise really but just go with the flow

ps i hope you are getting support from dh with this

Posted: 15 November 2005 at 6:19pm | IP Logged

I go with mumsam on this one! I haven't come out the other end yet! 

I'm afraid I have used the soap twice on the eldest, so long as it's not in my house and not aimed at the others in the house then it's his choice, it doesn't make them look cool, just stupid! (And I told them so as well)  Oh and so long as I don't find out about it aswell! which is hard not to do as both the boys are at the same school and both like telling tales on the other!

As for fighting, I grab hold of the two that are fighting put them outside and lock the front door, regardless of what they are wearing and regardless of the weather!  However if either of the boys lay a hand on their sister they have me to deal with!  I have also suggested to dd that if they hurt her( I mean REALLY hurt her) she can punch or kick them between the legs!  She knows taht it's dangerous for them and will not use it unless it's a last resort!

I know it sounds like I have hooligans, but in this day and age it also shows that she can stand up for herself if need be!

The eldest is coming up for 15 in may and is alot better!  But I found that he needs something to do to let his anger out, and although we haven't got a punch bag yet, I am intending to buy one for the younger one! At 12 he really sees like he needs it!  He sounds very much likie yours and has a hell of an attitude problem too!  But I think he might respond better from your dh taking him to task rather than you, as with my son only dad's hand does the trick!

Posted: 15 November 2005 at 6:56pm | IP Logged

dont teens do any sports now adays to get all that hormonal agression out

dh says he cant remember being angry n aggressive like that-he used to play rugby, footie and cricket.  he also joined the air cadets and made loadsa mates like that when a teen

just a thought!

Posted: 15 November 2005 at 7:12pm | IP Logged

gosh reading this my mum must have had a terrible time with us five

I agree with the others, im dreading the teenage stage, Harry has picked up the word 'Muppet' from my 7 yr old nephew and hes driving me potty saying it i just ignor it now, im no good with teenagers sorry!!

Posted: 16 November 2005 at 10:55am | IP Logged

As far as my 14 year old daughter is concerned life isn't fair and she doesn't have what her friends have. Her favourite words are I want and if she doesn't get then we have a mega tantrum. Therefore we have lots of tantrums and mega sulks (she really isn't that hard done by) The extent of the moods depends where about she is in her monthy cycle. She already gets terrible PMT so you have to sympathize with her as well. I think she is much harder work than little Harry. Also the pressures of school don't help. She has already started her exam courses and seems to have tests all the time. I think its a lot harder being a teenager these days. I know I was horrid but not as bad as her and I would never be cheeky to my parents.

(ps if I theaten to punish her she replies that she will report me to Childline (you just can't win) !!!

Posted: 16 November 2005 at 11:13am | IP Logged

lol- i know its not funny but my 3yo niece rhymes the childline number off to my sister god knows who taught it her

I agree about how tough teenagers have it now with exams etc.. i dont think  i'd ever want to live through my teenage years again

im dreading Harry hitting puberty