Parenting Forums

Posted: 04 July 2006 at 3:44pm | IP Logged

this sounds so awful i feel very sorry for you but i dont know much about teens as my stepson is only twelve and the only problems we get with him is that he never comes home on time which is nothing compared to yours

why dont you try talking to her teacher

hope everything will be better soon

Posted: 04 July 2006 at 3:48pm | IP Logged

Right, totally my view's... don't start on me if u don't agree with them...

I would have slapped her back, toddlers bite you.. what do u do.. bite the little sod's back!!

I was brought up in a household where if i done anything wrong, i was given a slap for it, and it worked big time!!!...  Kid's these days have no manners, and thats because there are new laws in about punishing your kids... ffs, if taylor done that to me if he was bex' age, i would have slapped him back!!!

We are now living in a society where if you even hit your childs hand you are frowned upon.

I think your doing right with the refusing to do anything for her again, maybe it will make her see how much you DO, do for her...

Im sounding like an oap now... kid's get away with too much now... bring back the cane!!!!!

Posted: 04 July 2006 at 3:58pm | IP Logged

Goodness I do not know what to suggest.
(I know you're probably doing this and please don't think I'm telling you what to do)

Remind her of her age.  She is 14 and definately not allowed to stay away without knowing where she is.  Definately not with a bf. 

I know by not doing her chores like washing clothes etc will make her see how much you do for her, but smewhere in my head says it may push her away more.

Encourage her schoolwork, and if shes falling behind or always misbehaving tell her you will make an appt to see the head of her school whether she likes it or not. 

I know you only want whats best for her.  I really hope its just the horrid awkward stage and will pass. 

Good luck Hazy, Hugs for you.  It must be really tough. xxx

Adding a wee bit....

Is your ex Bex's Dad?  Does he see much of him or did she witness this violence? 

Posted: 04 July 2006 at 4:04pm | IP Logged

Hazy firstly I'm sorry this is all kicking off again and you are being treated this way

But at the end of the day (and I know its easier said than done) she can't get away with lashing out at you

She obviously has severe anger management issues and needs to get them sorted out before things get completely out of hand.

As for the whole staying at the boyfriends house thing, I think his mother should have taken the time to give you a quick ring to check you were ok with it before she allowed it to happen.  She can decide what happens in her own house yes, but as you say Bex is only 14 and by the sounds of it its the last thing you would let her do (which I completely agree with btw!)

I really think you need to seek some professional advice about all this - could you get her to agree to speaking to a counsellor or something.  You need an neutral person to get involved.

Neither of you can go on like this - something has to be done before its too late

Have you tried writing down all your feelings (even print this off and let her see whats shes doing to you!)

I really hope you can get some help with all this - can't be good for df or the little ones either

Sending you hugs and remember we are all here for you

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Posted: 04 July 2006 at 4:34pm | IP Logged

Hazy you are not a failure, you are a survivor or domestic violence you are not to blame in any way shape or form.

Bex obviously has a lot on anger built up inside her, and for whatever reason that is she is taking it out on you. Does she know her dad, or want to know her dad?

I seriously think you should consider police action against the assault. I know to some that sounds major drastic but it is not the first time her behaviour has got out of hand and she is scaring you, that is not good. Maybe it will give her the wake up call that she really has to stop, the police will also help get her the help she needs with a social worker or whatever.

Hazy we are all here for you and i really do not know what advice to give you but please do not apologise for talking to us. You rant scream or cry away we are here and we will always listen.

talk with your Dh tonight, he might not be her dad but he is your partener and he has a right to a say as well. you both need to stict together and tackle this issue as a team.

Thinking of you honey xxx

Posted: 04 July 2006 at 4:54pm | IP Logged

    I really feel for you Hazy. Being the mum of a 14 yr old daughter as well, I know things can be tough but luckily we have bad days but nothing compared to you.I don't really know what to suggest.    

    I think she really needs to see some kind of youth counsellor,there must be some underlying reason why she is so agressive. Its not your fault and I think you are doing a great job and doing all the right things. Stay strong and remember everyone at mms is here for you

Posted: 04 July 2006 at 5:06pm | IP Logged

OUCH - I wouldn't know what to do mate.  I think in all honesty that once she starts she's not going to give over and it will probably get worse.  Once she knows that she can do this once, then she'll do it again.  It is abuse what she is doing both physical and emotional.

Fair enough with stopping doing everything for her, hats off to you for that one.  But she may just go well f$$$ it don't care and just carry on regardless.

I really don't know, try having a chat with the school and see if they have noticed anything.  Failing that I think that a visit by the police may be in order.  You could phone them up and ask for advice and see if they'll do a 'scare the living daylights' chat with her...rather than pressing charges etc. 

Sounds like you are in for a rough ride with whatever you decide.  None of it is your fault and you are NOT a failure.